There is something that I have learnt, that school has never taught me.
Something that I have always wanted to learn.
I'VE LEARNT HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS.
Yes, yes. the girl with social anxiety has learnt how to make friends! Hallelujah!--
(This type of accomplishment calls for cake!!!!)
Throughout this term I have defiantly had my ups and I've had my downs but I have gotten better.
My mental health has dramatically improved I feel like I have changed- in a good way- I have defiantly became more happier and energetic and ...out there. I have became a type of person who looks forward to coming to school every day because I know that each day brings new opportunities and adventures. I have made friends and I have a little loyal group of friends, and I am really enjoying life at the moment.
And I just want to talk about some of those friendships I have made with certain people this term.
(*Note: If you are not in here, it is because I am focusing on the friendships I MADE THIS TERM)
I said a phrase I have never said before.
In the second week of this term I said a phrase that I have never been able to say out loud.
A phrase that I have always been to terrified to say out loud because the thought of saying it terrified me to the core. For me, the worst case scenario was that everyone would say no, and it meant that I was disliked, and being 'disliked' was (and still is) my worst nightmare.
But on the first week of term I rebelled against that sucky voice inside my head.
I FINALLY asked:
"Yo, Wanna hang out?"
She said yes.
Which made me FEEL SO HAPPY!
And it was the very first moment in a very LONG time where I had spent my lunch time with somebody. I remember feeling so beyond jubilant, to the point where I just kept saying, "I am so happy being with you!". (to the point where I was probably being annoying but idc) .
I was happy because for the first time in a very, very, very long time I was with somebody. I was spending my lunch time laughing and smiling instead of crying in loneliness beside a river.
We walked around town and ended up in Prince's Square, where I read some of her BRILLIANT writing.
AND
At the start of the year,with the help of my physiologist I made a list of goals I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year. Scribbled hastily in my diary was, "Ask Gabbie to hang out". and THAT DAY I FINALLY DID IT.
It was truly was a victory moment.
Olivia
(No Photo)
"Why? But you are great!!!! .... I love you to bits"
Was what Olivia told me during the term two holidays when I honestly told her that I have never spent my break times with anyone at school in a very long time. When we came back from holidays I was imminently meet with a smiling, friendly face who always invited me to to sit with her friends and I would awkwardly and nervously sit down with her friends and listen to them talk about stuff (I zoned out majority of the time because I was too anxious, tbh).
She never judges me and she just accepts me for the nervous wreck I am. She is a phenomenal person.
When ever this gorgeous girl sees me in town she yells "JAZZZZZ!" from across the road, and waves, sometimes she runs across the road to be with me.
She acknowledges me and tiny things like that make me feel less invisible in a world where I feel so invisible.
She makes me feel important and loved, and she is the ONLY friend who has not told me to stop sending her horrible puns.
She's PURRRR-fect. *insert badly drawn cat here*~~
I LOVE THIS GIRL!
I appreciate her so much.
(Sorry for losing our snapchat streak twice, but does this make up for it???? ;P )
Level two Art
(sucky photo but, idc)
This is Amber and Ebony.
One day, I ditched my level two art class to sneak into their level two art class.
We watched a TRULY FASCINATING documentary on Aboriginal art
I LEGIT did more work than Ebony and Amber COMBINED (Don't know why, the documentary was truly fascinating!!!) And throughout that time I was with Amber and Ebony , I felt so special.I felt like I was a special guest in their Art class.They both made me feel so special and loved.
And the following lesson- Thursday- I was BEGGED to come back. (and when I say "begged"; my phone was going "blip,blip,blip,blip, blip" for the first 10 minutes of class) I felt so WANTED; so important in their lives , which is an emotion I have barely felt before. Made me feel SO many happy feels!!
I look forward to the end of the day, to when I can see them at the bus stop and talk to them before our buses comes.
Btw, Amber has the most adorable laugh. .
(Btw, I am reading BOTH of your stories on Wattpad and they are AMAZING!)
(Wattpad Id: Ophelia_CC)
~~~~SPECIAL MENTION~~/ APPRECIATION POST.~~~
These people right here.
Although some of the time they can be shitheads **cough, cough, Dolton cough, cough** .I love them to bits. I feel like they are my "group".
When I am with them I feel so safe and like I belong. They are truly the best friends I have ever made.
When I am with them I feel like I have a "place" to go, and this feeling brings safety and comfort to me.
They are group of people who love me unconditionally and will do anything for me. I just need to say the words "I feel like crap" on our Facebook group chat (OHH, OUR FACEBOOK GROUP CHAT IS ANOTHER BLOG POST!!) and they will come running to me (trust me, it has happened!).
They are the most supportive group of friends I have ever met, and they all, individually give the best advice.
THEY MAKE ME SOOOO HAPPPPPYYYYYYYYY.
THANKYOU for all your support, understatement, love, and of course, thank you for the endless amount of pizza.
And for always giving me the last piece
I could really go for some pizza now.
(--* I PROMISE I will buy the next round!-- I PROMISE!!! -- *
I put it on my blog so it is official)
FRED
If you are wondering why there is a white stick fique is in the last photo: it's Fred. Fred is my best friend. He is wonderful. He legit just sits there and says nothing.There is no pressure to speak to him or make awkward conversation.He is just there. And me follows me around; protecting me. He is my favourite.
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_
I want to say thank you too all the people who have entered my life this school term and has changed it for the better.
Without your kindness I would not be as happy as I am now. I am so beyond thankful for your kindness and your friendship.
And to the friends who have been with me since high school.
THANKYOU
Thankyou for your continuous love.Thankyou for occasionally asking me how I am.
Thankyou for reading my blogs.
I appreciate you all so much.
There was a time earlier in the year where I thought I would never make a friend at school. I cannot explain the emotion I felt, it was intense isolation and invisibility that I would never wish upon anyone.
I pretty much gave up on making any friends at school.
I went to school- went to class- did my work- spent my lunch time sitting around drawing endlessly in the art room or in my happy place- went to back home.
A routine that was monotonous and tiring.
I wanted a friend.
I NEEDED a friend.
It was the thing I craved more than anything in the world.
But I did not know HOW to make friends.
I did not have any social skills.
I did not know how to group to people initiate conversation and friendship. It was terrifying.
I really wanted to go up to people, push them up against a wall and yell "BE MY GODDAMM MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND!!!!"
But I couldn't and I did not know how.
Also:
1) that wouldn't be the best way to initiate a friendship
and
2)that's bullying.
The major point it,
This is the first term where I can confidently say "I made friends!"
I feel more confident walking the hallways at school because I know there are nice people,like these peopleportrayed in this post, instead of mean people from my high school ready to insult me.
The most important lesson this term is that I learnt how to make friends.
I kinda just did it. I don't know how, really. I suppose, I just magically did it...
... People must like me for me or something???
(currently working on a post about my favourite moments of this term)
~~~To Corin, How does this post rate in the "cheese" scale???~~~
Solid 12½ but I love it XD
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