I was never really scared of the dark, I was scared of what was in it. Did I really know if there wasn't a murderer in my room? Did I really know that my sister was not going to scare me? Did I really know that I wouldn't trip over some piece of mess (that would inevitably be there because I never kept my room clean)
All I knew is that everything was dark and I couldn't see anything. Even as a child I have extra thought to every situation.
As I became older I overcame my fear. I am no longer scared of the dark or what is in the dark.
But having generalised anxiety disorder, I am afraid of A LOT of things.
But having generalised anxiety disorder, I am afraid of A LOT of things.
Here is just a small list of things/situations that scare me:
- being judged by others
- loud unexplained noises in the middle of the night
- replying to phone calls
- potato skins
- loud parties
- being forgotten
- doing the "wrong" thing to someone.
- being wrong.
- starting a conversation without an intention
- SMALL TALK
- correcting people
- drunk people
- replying to emails
- disappointing my parents
- talking on the phone
- others relying on me and letting them down
- becoming isolated from society
- coming off as being "different"
- Saying the wrong thing
- somebody stealing my journal, reading it and telling the world my secrets
- coming of as being "selfish"
- replying to messengers on line (ALTHOUGH I HAVE GOTTEN BETTER!)
- coming known as a negative person
- being in such an emotional state that I will start cutting myself again
- losing friends
- handing in assignments
- my school library
- driving
- asking for help in a shop
- certain people from my high school
- walking through busy crowds
- peer criticism
- losing my friends
- small enclosed spaces (elevators)
- someone taking a photo of me in public and making me into a meme without my consent
- being a victim to bullying
- losing my friends to suicide
- large holes
- the unknown
- having my artwork viewed at the end of year school exhibition
- dying alone
- Being forgotten or "wiped" out from a persons life.
- worms
- doing something embarrassing in front of a large group of people and having this "thing" follow me around for my life
- drowning
- being physically harmed by somebody I love
- cockroaches
- That my "best" is not good enough
- being called on in class
- The phrase: "Can I ask you something?"
- that I will forget an important detail about one of my friends
- that I will give my friends a reason to be mad at me
- that I will be financially unstable when I have children
- that I will be a horrible parent
- coming off as being a "horrible" person
- not being 'good enough' for the person I love
- committing to stuff
- Failing grade 12 and having to do year 13.
- alcohol
- my parents fighting
- exit/security alarms at shops
- having false statements (rumours) spread about me
- people staring at me
- the phase: "We need to talk."
- being in a situation where I will go mute.
- having panic attacks in front of people
- eating in public
- razors
- being judged for my stutter
- stuttering too much in front of people
- being intimate with someone
- being rejected
- being abandoned
- Having the attention on me in a negative way
- performing in front of others
- exams
- missing out/ being excluded
- the greasy feeling of frogs
- being reminded of horrible memories/ flashbacks
- when people start making cat noises (ALTHOUGH I HAVE GOTTEN BETTER!)
- someone recording me and posting it on social media without my consent
- sneezing in public
- eye contact
- being tested without warning
- being replaced
- working in groups at school
- getting kidnapped
- my school having a fire alarm drill.
- coming to school in the same outfit as somebody else
- that cars will crash right in front or me
- that something terrible will happen to my brother
- my dogs running away
- fire alarms
- that I will give my teachers a reason to be disappointed in me.
- being on a bus with a bully from high school and not being able to escape
- being alone
- the future
(( And there are more, but I think the list it getting a bit too big. ))
...And as a kid I was only scared of the dark and spiders and now I have a list of so many irrational, things that I think I shouldn't be scared of.
I shouldn't be scared of being wrong because I know every thing is a learning experience. and I shouldn't be scared of being lonely and isolated because I know I have friends and people who care for me deeply and who will be there for me at a drop of a hat.
I shouldn't be scared of the future because I know it is inevitable
I shouldn't be scared of being wrong because I know every thing is a learning experience. and I shouldn't be scared of being lonely and isolated because I know I have friends and people who care for me deeply and who will be there for me at a drop of a hat.
I shouldn't be scared of the future because I know it is inevitable
Yet I am and I can't help it.
Deep down I just want to be a kid again, the kid who was only scared of the dark and spiders and lived fearlessly and carelessly
I KNOW it is OK to be scared of things.I KNOW that every time I have to enter a situation I find fearful, I am being brave,but sometimes I wish I didn't have to be brave. You know, sometimes I just WISH I could just not be scared of everything.
I wish there was a switch to turn off my fears.
Deep down I just want to be a kid again, the kid who was only scared of the dark and spiders and lived fearlessly and carelessly
I KNOW it is OK to be scared of things.I KNOW that every time I have to enter a situation I find fearful, I am being brave,but sometimes I wish I didn't have to be brave. You know, sometimes I just WISH I could just not be scared of everything.
I wish there was a switch to turn off my fears.
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