I'm in China.

12 HOURS travelling. Many tears shed . 2 panic attacks.  long cues at customs/immigration/security

 and I am finally in China! 

I am currently staying in a Hotel room. My school has put me in a hotel for tonight, I don't know when I will move into my apartment. Maybe later today or tomorrow. The reason I have been put into a Hotel is because my room-mate moved out so she had to clean everything (positive: everything is going to be clean when I move in) 

Hong Kong airport is HUGE. My gate number was 510 and if that does not prove how big the airport is I don't know what will. It was stressful, not to mention I had just spent 9 and a half hours on a plane doing nothing. 

I don't know if it is because I am in brand new country that does not speak my language or because I am really tired but anxiety levels are really through the roof. 

Every time I do something I am like "Crap. Have I done this right?! Am I offending anyone? Is this OKAY?? IS EVERYTHING OKAY!"

And I can't stop thinking about school. I am teaching. I start my training tomorrow but what if I can't do it? What if I suck? What if I don't understand anything? What if I do something wrong?

And being in China in general.
I think what is scaring me the most is that I have suddenly went from English speaking everywhere to BAMM. Not a single word of English unless I speak to myself.
I can hear the street outside and all I can hear are people speaking Chinese and I do not understand a word and that is extremely nerve- raking because I am not that well at comprehending spoken Chinese.
I am good at reading.


I sent a message to my best friend earlier saying "I wish my anxiety would just fuck  off!"because it is totally true, so many uncertainties and so many "What If?" are flooding my headspace right now and it kinda sucks. 

I was picked up at the airport by someone at the school and he seemed pretty nice. He explained a lot of things to me about the school that I am apart of now.
We are going out later today to do the essentials: Chinese banking, signing my contract to the school, signing up for public transport, and registering for a Chinese phone number.
It's really nice to have someone with me to do these things with because I would completely lost  and too anxious to anything right now without someone.

I watched Trolls on the air plane and there is a song that  Princess Penny (the main character)sings that I am repeating in my head over and over as a little mantra. *Side note: I HIGHLY recommend watching Trolls. ** 

Hey!
I'm not giving up today
There's nothing getting in my way
And if you knock knock me over
I will get back up again, oh
If something goes a little wrong
Well you can go ahead and bring it on
'Cause if you knock knock me over, I will get back up again

I am on the adventure of a lifetime and this is my very first full day, I'm anxious, I am scared,  but I do think I will be OK, eventually
I am not giving up and if something knocks me over I will. get. back. up. again.

I know that in a few more days I will be writing about how much fun I am having and all about my remarkable adventure.
I think I just have to give it time to sink in that I am actually here.

I am going to be OK. I know it, plus I am even wearing a jumper that says "You've got this!" and I don't think jumpers lie.