My school results and how I feel about them.

This week many year 11 and 12 students will be receiving their results  from their studies completed throughout 2017.

I received mine the other day via mail.

My highest ranking class was my Writing class, followed by my Art class.
In both classes I received mainly B's with a few A's for my internal and external critirias.
In both those classes I received a CA.

For my level three Chinese class, I received Ts and Cs and even a Z for my internal and external marks. (The Z was for my Speaking exam where I received a medical certificate ).
I received a PA.

And for my intro to sociology and psychology class I received a CA.

My ATAR calculated to be 45.7

And Here IS how I feel about them: 
At first I was kinda upset; I thought I failed and that everything was bad.
 I caught myself in a loop of "OH MY GOD, MY LIFE IS OVER. " and "EVERYTHING IS BAD."

((Aka: I was catastrophizing ))


But that was not the case.
My life was NOT over. Nothing was bad, everything was FINE, and everything was going to BE OK.

Because:

These results are just numbers 

... And they aren't even that bad.

I've never been a high achieving student.
 I've wanted to be, but when it came down to it I always  got overwhelmed and stressed out about how "perfect" I thought everything had to be. Collage  was always hard. Not just because of the heavy work load and the pressure to perfectly hit every criteria on an assignment , but the pressure to make friends, the pressure of the looming and terrifying future, not to mention   family life, and society expectations.
These two years were hard.

But I am giving myself some credit because, I always TRIED.

Sure, there was a few assignments that were handed in a few days late and I may have not always put in 100 percent into what I was doing, but hey -- I am a human being!

I always tried.
I tried on the days when I didn't want too; when I felt like my world was falling apart; when I was wanting to give up on school all together and just lay in bed forever. I tried when anxiety took over and I couldn't enter classrooms. I tried on days where I couldn't even speak because Anxiety took hostage of my voice. I tried on the days I felt so invisible and isolated. I tried on the days where I was having panic attacks on school grounds. I tried when I everything around me was tumbling and I was crumbling.

And If I could  go back into time and do things differently to try and improve these results, I wouldn't. I'd keep everything the same, because honestly, I think it's enough. I tried and that's good enough for me and that is what matters. 

My results do not determine my future 
I received D's and Zs in my Chinese Exam and a whole bunch of Ts internally, but I am not going to let those letters- those results - discourage me from continuing learning Mandarin and continuing to emerge myself in the Chinese Culture.  I am still going to China. I am still enrolled in a  Chinese courses within China at a Chinese Academy to further my skills. I'm still learning the language, just because I got "bad" results for my Chinese class doesn't mean I should ever give up.

None of these results determine what I will become in my future or what I will do.

My ATAR is not good enough to go to a main-land university but the option is still there if I wanted to go when I return from China (IF I return. ) as a mature aged student.

ANYWAY, 

I DID ITTTTT:
I was the very first person in my WHOLE family to complete year 11 and 12 and obtain their TCE.  

Nobody in my family can actually say "I finished collage", except me, and I think that is something I am always going to be proud about.

                            I am the very first person in my family to get this certificate. 







I did not get the "best" results. I didn't even get point scores for ALL my level three subjects. I did not get a high ATAR.
BUT I TRIED. 
And I am giving myself credit for that. I made it through collage and I think  that is amazing

:)














~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~__~_~

Now that I am on holidays I am so much more positive about everything.
I've been happy. AND IT FEELS SO STRANGE!
Not in a negative way, but as a "OMG- life is actually amazing and I actually BELIEVE that" way.

My anxiety hasn't been as bad as it was during the days where I was at school.
There has been times where I have been anxious but I have been able to minimise it by using the techniques that I have learnt. I have went WEEKS without a panic attack, which is something that has not happened in a longgggg time.
I have even weaned myself off medication (except for sleep)  and I have been fine.
More than fine. I feel great; Amazing; Wonderful.
Free.

26 more days until I go to China
16 more days until my birthday
3 more days until Christmas (TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!)