19/12/2017

I'm going to do that thing where I just write. 

Even tho I don't want too. 

I just want to keep laying in bed watching crime shows like Law and Order SVU and Bull . I have recently started experimenting with detailed stitching in my journal. It's time consuming, which I guess is why I like doing it. I'm currently doing a colourful cat. I was up all night stitching because I couldn't sleep, it's fun. 

Today I had a major light bulb moment. 

In a month I am going to China. 

January 18th. 

Just ten days after by birthday. 

In just one month my life is going to change. 

And that--

That fact is shit terrifying and nerve-wracking , 

And OMG. I AM GOING TO BE LIVING IN ANOTHER COUNTRY IN A MONTH!!! 

I'm still going, despite feeling anxious because I am going to be in China and that is my dream, and nothing is going to stop me from going!  

I am going to walk all up and down the streets in Ningbo, enjoying the street signs that I do not understand. 

I am going to sit on the park benches and listen all around me at the people speaking in Mandarin, not understanding a single word.  

I am going to do Tai Chi and Yoga in the park with random Chinese people

I am going to learn how to write using traditional Chinese calligraphy ink. 

I am going to LEARN HOW TO LIKE Chinese food. 

I am going to say the phrase " 我听不懂" and " 我不知道" (I don't understand and I don't know) over and over until it is ingratiated into my skull. 

I am going to make so many new friends .

I am going to experience brand new things that I could never think of experiencing within Tasmania.

I am going to wake up every single day thinking: 'Oh My God, I am not in Tasmania' 

and I am going to explore and have the time of my life. 

We had a mailman come to our door the other day with a pastel for my brother. 

"Oh!" he said when I opened the door, "You are the one going to China, aren't you?". 

I politely smiled and nodded and said "Yes, I am" and signed for my brothers pastel, he made small talk and I made a mental note to never open the door again. 

On Sundays my Mum always bakes a roast for the family and she always does a dish for my Pop and I take it over to him. One day when I took his plate over  a bunch of his friends were over at his home. He had three of his old friends at his home sitting around the circle table in the dinning room. 

"Your Rocky's Kid!- the one going to China!" , one of them  exclaimed when they saw me come in.  "We heard you are going to China!" 

I even have people saying that statement when I walk down the street. 

"Your the one going to China!" 

"I heard you are the one going to China!" 

"When are you going to China!?" 

 Parents of people I went to school with. People I went to Primary school with who I have not seen since primary school. People I served at work. My brother's workmates. My cousin's friends. All my Auntie's friends.  People I don't even know. 

EVEN THE OLD WOMEN WHO LIVES BEHIND ME KNOWS THAT I AM LEAVING THE COUNTRY. 

AND

That is what scares me the most. 

Knowing that everyone in my town  knows 

and I know people are only talking to me about me leaving because they care and that it comes from a place of heart. 

If feels like there is a giant spotlight being shinned on me and I don't want it. 

And it's not the fact that I don't want people knowing it's the fact that I don't want the WHOLE TOWN knowing. 

Because

if I fuck this up, everyone in my  town will know.  

And god knows, every single person in this town will know because news travels SO fast here, like the fact that I AM going to China. 

and I know it shouldn't let this effect me because these people are just people and they don't matter, but it's getting to me. It is really, really getting to me. 

But what I am going to keep doing is continuing getting ready for China. The only thing I need to do is more paperwork about temporary residency. 

And I am going to read-- I am currently reading the Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiars Children series- I am up to book two, book one took me four days to read. And I am going to journal and eventually finish that colourful cat stitching I started, and sleep, and cuddle Charlie and take him on long walks to the beach-- all the things that make me happy. 

30 more days until I leave for China.

20 more days until my birthday 

6 more days until Christmas. 

Here is a festive Luna, dressed up in tinsile  and being all festive against her will. She has more Christmas presents underneath the tree than what I do because she is a very, very spoilt kitty, and I KNOW when she opens them she is going to sniff at them and walk away and crawl into any box she can find. 

Her face is just screaming "Jazz, go annoy the dogs. Get a life"