About Graduating.

At the end of this week I will be graduating grade 12. I will  finally be the first in my family to graduate collage and obtain their TCE.
When I think about graduating I get a giant knot in my stomach that is difficult to explain. It's like a giant ugly mess  mixed with so many different emotions: excitement, fear,regret, saddness, nervousness.

There is a lot of anxiety in the air.
Am I going to be OK?, Have I done everything I can?, Have I done enough?.  Will my friends still remain my friends after graduation? What the hell am I doing?, Will I be good enough?,  Have I done anything bad that will follow me? Is something bad going to happen? WHAT THE HELL COMES NEXT!?!?! 

School is like a foundation and suddenly  that foundation is being pulled from under my feet and I am being  dropped head first into the "real world".... and that is scary.

Why?
 I do not like it when things change and become different. I like my routine.  I like meeting my friends in A block every morning and attending my classes according to my timetable. I like sitting in my usual spots in class and doing my work (or / attempting to do by work but inevitably getting distracted).
I don't want to say Goodbye-- I don't want to say goodbye to everyone I have met throughout these two years, I don't want to say goodbye to the amazing supportive teachers and other school staff. I don't want to say goodbye to my little hideaway places. I do not want to say good bye to everything I have known for the past two years and start all over again in this giant orb of "uncertainty" .

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I am entering a period of significant adjustment and I need to remember that:

Change is inevitable

Change is inevitable: it is GOING TO HAPPEN.Why waste precious time fearing something that is going to happen?
Change is scary but so is staying in the same place forever.  And when I say that phrase out loud and compare the two options I know what one I want. I will never stay in the same place forever.

When One door Closes another one opens

After two long and extremely hard years the door to collage (year 11 and 12) is finally closing. But guess what is opening...  The door to China. 
And if the door to China was not opening than the door to other great opportunities will be opening.
I have so many exciting things to look forward in my life. So many great, amazing opportunities that will never happen if I never close a few doors and open a few new ones.

Life begins at the end of my comfort zone

Currently collage is my "comfort zone".It is where I feel grounded, but there is so much beyond my comfort zone. So much more to explore and learn and experience. I do not want to stay at collage forever.

I am going to be fine

I am going to be absolutely-positively fine. You wanna know why? ---Because I said so. 
 Remember that time where my Dad lost his job, or that time where  I couldn't speak, or that time when my sister moved away.  I SURVIVED IT ALL. I have the techniques and the strength to survive so much.I am kinda like  Nokia 3310: unbreakable.

This feeling is only ephemeral. 

I am feeling anxious and scared and that is OK,I am going through a huge change. BUT, I am not going to feel this way forever. This feeling will pass.


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Some people might think that graduating from grade 12 is just a tiny chapter in the big book called ‘Life’, – but to me, it’s a pretty huge milestone, I never thought I would get this far!
Midyear I was even considering dropping out of collage all together.  The amount of effort and determination I have put in throughout these past 2 years have been phenomenal and worth celebrating.

This upcoming week is going to be an emotional week, and I am allowed to be upset: I am allowed to cry -- But I totally got this!
My ultimate goal to get through this week is to not cry because it is over but to smile because it happened.
So many great things have happened throughout these two years and I am beyond thankful for the memories I now have.


In February I am off to China to teach English and study Chinese. I do not know when I will be back. I could be back in 6 months, I could be back in 6 years. It depends.