I FINALLY went swimming.

~quick post~

I have not done one of these posts for so long. 

But today I had a victory moment. I completed one of my major goals.

 I went swimming

~~Long story short,
For so long I have avoided the beach and pools and pretty much any body of water because I have never felt confident enough to swim. It was never about my ability to swim (which is what some people thought) but more of  confidence issue to do with my body.  Since around Eight grade I have never felt comfortable enough wearing swim-wear around people. I never wanted anyone to see my body because I was terrified of being judged and petrified of what people would think of me. I've just always felt too insecure to be in any body of water so I just stopped swimming, which was weird and unusual for me because I live in Gtown: I was always at the beach swimming with Liam and Mitchell. In my Pre-teen years I spent nearly every single weekend at the local swimming centre during the summer  frolicking in the water with my cousin.

And then I just stopped.

Until Today 

Today I went to the Cataract Gorge with my friends, Amber, Dana and Bianca. 

We came together at 1 o'clock after Bianca and I walked  FOREVER in the hot, blasting Tasmania weather sweating our butts off (It was so much effort and energy. We were both dying) 

We all cannon-balled into the pool and swam around like mermaids, laughing and having fun. The water was just the right temperature, I didn't even find it cold at all. 

When I was in the pool I realised just how much I missed the feeling of being of being in a pool. LIKE. I.  JUST. REALLY. MISSED. IT. 

I can't even  begin to describe the feeling of being in water for the first time in years. It was a GREAT feeling! A really, really, really, really, really great feeling!

 There were lots of people there; especially people  my age, who were swimming in the pool as well. I honestly thought I would be self-conscious but I wasn't self-conscious AT ALL.

I was too preoccupied with spending time with my friends and splashing in the water  to even worry about what people could be thinking about me, and even if they were, I was so happy that I just did not care, plus I wanted to go swimming: I really wanted to swim and I was not going to let anyone, including MYSELF stop me from doing what I wanted to do.

I was wearing a bikini (which Mum  said was pretty brave) and everyone could see all the areas on my body  that I am self-conscious about: my legs, my shoulders, my stomach (aka: all the areas where you can see my scars) and I just didn't care, in fact it is like I forgot to care. I was just having so much fun and enjoying myself that those anxious thought about what people could be thinking about me just did not enter my mind.

Amber and Bianca left the Gorge around 3ish  and Dana and I chilled by the edge of the Basin before I decided to make my way in. Dana decided to just sit on the rocks and watch me swim.

I had the whole Basin to myself, except for a few German (?) tourists  splashing around and having swimming races on the opposite side to where I was, and a large group of teenagers jumping of the big rocks (which I TOTALLY want to do one day!) 

That tiny blob is me. 

I swam to the middle and just floated on my back looking up at the blissful sky and enjoying the moment of feeling the water flow  around my body for the first time in years. 

When I was in the Basin, my mind for the first time in ages, was empty.  AND I LOVED IT. 

I was not thinking about anything, it is like my mind temporarily turned off. 

It was really blissful and peaceful and honestly one of the best feelings ever. 

And I just couldn't believe it. 

 I was ACTUALLY SWIMMING!  I was swimminggggggg! 

I WAS SWIMMING WITH THE FISHIES!

.. and the ducks. and the swans. and the big giant octopus that sleeps at the very bottom of the Basin.
And I was swimming   in FRONT of people, and nothing bad  was happening. It was phenomenal! 

And then I got sun burnt.  

and by "sun burnt" I mean I GOT REALLY SUN BURNT. 

And you see this tomato-- YOU SEE THIS TOMATO ! -- THIS IS ME! 

I am planning on not leaving my house for days and just laying in a tub filled with Aloe Vera. I'M IN SOOO MUCH PAINNN!. 

Note to self: sunscreen. sunscreen. sunscreen. SUNSCREEN!. 

**update: I just had a shower and nearly died. 

But, coincidentally my tomato look-alike has a giant smile on it's face, which  is exactly what is on my (burning, red, and in SO much pain) face at this moment. 

I am just so happy that I  went swimming for the first time in years and I definitely will do it again.   I am finally starting  to not allow the fear of others stop me from doing the things I want to do, and that is my ultimate goal in life. 

"I am living my life and that is exactly what I want to do" - Fred Korematsu