Monday
I said a sentence that I have not been able to say in nearly three years due to social anxiety. "Yo. You wanna hang out" and the person I said it to said YES.
A friend called me over and let me sit with her friends during recess
Tuesday
My friend helped me do my maths work.
Wednesday
Someone in my writing class enthusiastically said "Hi Jazz" as I walked into class and I sat on her table. It was the first time I sat WITH people in class and the first time all year where I felt included.
A really nice girl who was in my Chinese class last year brought me a caramel slice and it was heaven in my mouth.
Thursday.
My Art teacher brought in homemade brownies and cookies and they were amazing.
My boss at work let me eat one of the desserts. It was vanilla sponge cake with cream and ice cream. (I WORK FOR THE FOODDDD)
Friday (one panic attack)
Daniel brought me up to town in his car so I didn't have to take the bus.
My Chinese teacher brought in chocolate mud cake
(after suffering a panic attack the line before) My art teacher mde me feel so happy and loved and important and hopeful and amazing.
This week I learnt something. I learnt that There good people out there.
.I've just always felt like a giant orb of nothing-ness floating through space. On a daily basis the prominent voice of social anxiety tells me that nobody likes me. It tells me that I'm an outsider. That every single person around me is judging every single thing I do. It tells me that I am always doing something wrong that will cause people to dislike me.
It tells me that nobody wants me as their friend
Maybe, just maybe I am starting to believe that the voice inside my head that I have been listening to for many years is wrong.
People don't do these things because they have to. There is no rule that specifies that people have to put away time in their day to help me with my maths homework or bring me food.
People do it because they care. They honestly care about me and want to help me in any way they can.
I am finally starting to comprehend that people want me in their bubble and I am not just a giant orb of nothing-ness. I am important. I matter.
My mind is trapped in a mindset where I see everyone as a threat. It's hard to see people on my side because I am so used to being the one who is made to feel ashamed.
But lately, it's like my eyes have finally opened and I see it.
I see it now.
PEOPLE LIKE ME. PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME.
From now on when the voice of Social Anxiety takes over I'll fight back.
This week has provided me with enough evidence to fight the negitive and anxious thoughts that take over my life.
When my thoughts say:
Everyone hates you
Nobody cares about you
Everyone is mean
I'll say:
"No.not everyone hates me. If people hated me they would not of brought me a caramel slice"
"No, people care about me. If nobody cared about me than they would not have read all 82 posts of my blog and talked to me about it
"No. Not everyone is mean. If everyone was mean they would not have given me an amazing book on Sylvia Plath poetry (whitchhhhh I loveeee and have read over and over. THANKYOUUUU )
I'll fight my thoughts with evidence.
And the evidence is saying that PEOPLE LIKE ME.
I am beyond thankful for the people in my life that love and support me.I am thankful for the people who read the words I write up on my blogs. It means a lot that people are reading the words I write.
I am thankful for the people that love me.
I am thankful for the people who want to support and help me.
I am thankful for the people who always ask how I am and are always prepared to listen to me.
I am thankful for the people who make my life more enjoyable.
I am thankful for the people who do not give up on me
I am thankful for the people who acknowledge my existence
I am thankful for the people who make me feel special
I am thankful for the good people in my life
My boss at work let me eat one of the desserts. It was vanilla sponge cake with cream and ice cream. (I WORK FOR THE FOODDDD)
Friday (one panic attack)
Daniel brought me up to town in his car so I didn't have to take the bus.
My Chinese teacher brought in chocolate mud cake
(after suffering a panic attack the line before) My art teacher mde me feel so happy and loved and important and hopeful and amazing.
This week I learnt something. I learnt that There good people out there.
.I've just always felt like a giant orb of nothing-ness floating through space. On a daily basis the prominent voice of social anxiety tells me that nobody likes me. It tells me that I'm an outsider. That every single person around me is judging every single thing I do. It tells me that I am always doing something wrong that will cause people to dislike me.
It tells me that nobody wants me as their friend
Maybe, just maybe I am starting to believe that the voice inside my head that I have been listening to for many years is wrong.
People don't do these things because they have to. There is no rule that specifies that people have to put away time in their day to help me with my maths homework or bring me food.
People do it because they care. They honestly care about me and want to help me in any way they can.
My mind is trapped in a mindset where I see everyone as a threat. It's hard to see people on my side because I am so used to being the one who is made to feel ashamed.
But lately, it's like my eyes have finally opened and I see it.
I see it now.
PEOPLE LIKE ME. PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME.
From now on when the voice of Social Anxiety takes over I'll fight back.
This week has provided me with enough evidence to fight the negitive and anxious thoughts that take over my life.
When my thoughts say:
Everyone hates you
Nobody cares about you
Everyone is mean
I'll say:
"No.not everyone hates me. If people hated me they would not of brought me a caramel slice"
"No, people care about me. If nobody cared about me than they would not have read all 82 posts of my blog and talked to me about it
"No. Not everyone is mean. If everyone was mean they would not have given me an amazing book on Sylvia Plath poetry (whitchhhhh I loveeee and have read over and over. THANKYOUUUU )
I'll fight my thoughts with evidence.
And the evidence is saying that PEOPLE LIKE ME.
I am beyond thankful for the people in my life that love and support me.I am thankful for the people who read the words I write up on my blogs. It means a lot that people are reading the words I write.
I am thankful for the people that love me.
I am thankful for the people who want to support and help me.
I am thankful for the people who always ask how I am and are always prepared to listen to me.
I am thankful for the people who make my life more enjoyable.
I am thankful for the people who do not give up on me
I am thankful for the people who acknowledge my existence
I am thankful for the people who make me feel special
I am thankful for the good people in my life
Thankyou.
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