I had fast food and I am currently suffering from stomach cramps.
NOTE TO SELF: eat healthier.
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Sooo..... Two days ago I did a brave thing.
After many motivational self talks and Killing Negative thoughts with Positive ones. (click the link to read about that) and listening to many inspirational TED Talks on Youtube, I finally concurred up enough courage to achieve my dream of moving an audience through the use of my words.
I performed in the 2016 Launceston Slam Poetry heat against many highly experienced, inspirational, and breathtaking poets in the Launceston Region.
Wow, just writing that down make me feel like I can concur the world, that simple sentence is something I could have never written years ago. Hello the new me!. The new me that is comfortable being uncomfortable .
The whole experience was amazing and I loved every second of it from anxiously waiting for my turn to watching other poets perform astonishing pieces of poetry.
Each participant had a microphone and two minutes to impress the audience and randomly selected judges.
The order of attendees are decided through a hat draw and when every poet has finished their poem, I sat there with jiggly legs preparing myself to be the next person. I really admired everyone's enthusiasm as they would dart as fast as a bullet onto stage filled with excitement and adrenaline. With each concluded poem I would dread going next and feel relieved when there was one more card left and I knew it must of been me.
When the last piece of yellow card came out of the small, colourful cardboard box I knew it my turn.
"And the lucky last contestant is..."
I took a deep breath and put on a smile 'You can do this!' I thought to myself.
The coordinator unfolded the yellow piece of card and read my name into the microphone
"Jazz!"
There was no turning back as I walked up onto that stage with my notebook and adjusted the microphone. I felt nervous, I felt anxious, and oh, my goddd, I didn't know my legs could shake as much as they did!
I took a deep breath, looked out onto the crowd, and down at the word written in my notebook and started to read the words I had prepared.
As I read those words, I felt like I was on cloud nine.
I can't explain just how incredible it feels to stand on a stage and scream into a microphone about something you are passionate about.
My poem was about the power of words and how sometimes words can make you feel as insignificant as a useless, worthless, microscopic ant. The point of view was focused on the side of the victim and I hoped I could convey the importance of being nice towards each other.
The most intimidating thing was that there were people from my college in the audience. I do not know why this intimidated me, it just made me feel really cautious about my words. I knew that they are incredible writers and had won many awards for their writing. Something deep inside of me thought I wasn't good enough, and that I would never be good enough, especially compared to these girls.
I was going that thing where I was comparing myself to other people. (I really have to stop doing that!)
They were randomly picked to be judges, and surprisingly they scored me rather high.
After my performance they both came up to me and told me that I did a really great job and that they loved my poem. Their words brought a wide smile to my face and I realised how stupid I was for comparing myself to them.
Now, I do not consider myself a poet. (nor a blogger)
I am aware of the poetic language used throughout poetry and I can write a really good poem but I am not a poet. I am a dreamer.
And a believer of the power of words.
I write because I want to. There are voices inside my head that need to be written down because if I don't write them down, I WILL go insane.
I have always (I say "always", what I really mean is since my school did a unit on Slam Poetry in grade 10) wanted to do something spontaneous and get up on a stage and preform a poem but lacked opportunity and confidence. My sister is a fan of Spoken Word Poetry, when she comes home, my shed is echod with the sound of words bouncing of the tin walls and into our ears. I always admired the performers ability to make me feel happy one minute and mad the next minute through the use of their words and body language.
One day, whilst sitting in a dim shed, and listening to the sound of Melissa May's melodic Spoken Word Poem "Ursula", I said to myself;
'I am going to do that'.
So I did.
I wanted to prove to myself that I could do anything I set my mind too. And that a seventeen year old can get into a stage and yell about something she is passionate about. And by "yell" I mean yell. It is so liberating to be able to yell words in front of an audience.
The whole experience made me realise that I have a voice that can not be silenced.
I have the ability to write a poem that moves an audience.
...... knowing that is the greatest gift of all.
I love public speaking, I just do not like being centre of attention. I am cautious of my horrific stutter that comes as a gift with being naturally shy. All my friends know that I hate my stutter and sometimes I feel ashamed to speak because my stutter leads me to feel embarrassed. It is embarrassing and is one of the reasons why I don't like to speak in class and stand in front of crowds, but I totally smashed it that night. I didn't stutter, I didn't stop mid-sentence, I was rocking it on that stage!!!
Honestly, I sounded like Dr-Suess but instead of talking about green eggs and ham I was talking about bulling and depression.
The best thing was that the audience loved what I wrote. I had many people come up to me and tell me how amazing I was up on that stage. I had somebody tell me that my words truly impacted them and made them shiver. I had people wish me good luck for a place in the finals, and my poem was scored high from the audience, I received scores higher than five, including an eight!. An Eight!
I may not be Sarah Kay or Phil Kaye but I am pretty OK.
"You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable"
The community is very supportive and I encourage anybody to give it a go!
.. or at least come watch me perform next year.
.. or at least come watch me perform next year.
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