- I want to be happier.
- I want to eliminate all anxiety when I talk to people. --Online and Offline.
- I want to win an award (Just for anything really)
- I want to read 60 books.
- I want to become a better writer and write something amazing.
- I want to be more social and make new friends but keep my old friends.
- I want to be able to stand up for myself if somebody does/says something I don't like.
- I want to do more good things not just for others and for myself.
- I want to discover who I really am.
I think the most important goal I want this year is that I want to have a better year than last year. I want a better year where I am keeping everything balanced, I want to have a better year where I am happier, I want to have a better year where I am not stressed out, also I want to have a better year that is filled with peace and where I am strong and I'm not letting bullies get to me. I had a tough year last year (that was a giant learning experience, see my last post) and I desperately don't want a repeat of that year, although it did have some positives; I learnt a lot, I made a lot of positive memories and I survived high school but my mind frame was just not right. I spend majority of the year being miserable because of the words and actions of bullies who showed no mercy.
I am also making it my goal this year,and for many years to follow that if I ever feel myself going back into that mental mind frame that I was in last year, that I will tell somebody; I will climb Mt Everest and scream it for the whole world to hear, I will go to the beach and write it in the sand, I'll swim across the river, or I'll send desperate text messages to those who care about me. I will tell somebody, I won't wait until it's nearly too late to tell somebody what is going on ever again.
I keep writing that because I need to keep reminding myself that.
I am also making it my goal this year,and for many years to follow that if I ever feel myself going back into that mental mind frame that I was in last year, that I will tell somebody; I will climb Mt Everest and scream it for the whole world to hear, I will go to the beach and write it in the sand, I'll swim across the river, or I'll send desperate text messages to those who care about me. I will tell somebody, I won't wait until it's nearly too late to tell somebody what is going on ever again.
I keep writing that because I need to keep reminding myself that.
I'll let you know how I go with these goals throughout the year!
I'm very determined to complete them but if I don't complete them I won't be disappointed because I am only human.
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2015.
I did a quick look at my diary archives and I found my 2015 goals. I didn't have many goals for the year but I had a few-- some I even completed!
- I wanted to be in the newspaper.
- I wanted to become happier with my literacy.
- I wanted to be a better artist (focusing on Water color)
- I wanted to gain self-confidence and be more confident
- I wanted to be happier.
- I wanted to get my parents to get married.
I didn't get my parents to get married, I wasn't really happy, I didn't gain much self-confidence, but I was in the newspaper, I did become happier with my literacy, and I have became a better artist (kind of) . That's 3/6!
Towards the end of the year I had numerous reading goals that I kept completing. In the end I read 100.
Towards the end of the year I had numerous reading goals that I kept completing. In the end I read 100.
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There is something really weird that I learnt the other day. I was going to write about it in a different post but I can't because I need to express it.
There was a boy who used to torment me, he actually made an appearance in my "And my cat went Meow.." post. One reason why be used to torment me is because he thought I was a lesbian . He called me a faggot once and would repeatedly harass me and ask "Are you gay?". He once told me that I was going to hell and that a big, fictional character in the sky hated me.
He now has a boyfriend*
It was like a Kowalski situation (people who watch Glee will understand that reference). He was hating on me because he thought I liked girls but in reality he just had some serious self-hate. He was trying to come to terms with who he is and whilst spreading hate on to me.
I just now understand why he hated so much. It wasn't my fault, it was his.
There is something really weird that I learnt the other day. I was going to write about it in a different post but I can't because I need to express it.
There was a boy who used to torment me, he actually made an appearance in my "And my cat went Meow.." post. One reason why be used to torment me is because he thought I was a lesbian . He called me a faggot once and would repeatedly harass me and ask "Are you gay?". He once told me that I was going to hell and that a big, fictional character in the sky hated me.
He now has a boyfriend*
It was like a Kowalski situation (people who watch Glee will understand that reference). He was hating on me because he thought I liked girls but in reality he just had some serious self-hate. He was trying to come to terms with who he is and whilst spreading hate on to me.
I just now understand why he hated so much. It wasn't my fault, it was his.
It never my fault.
~_~_~_~_~_~_~-
Am I happy?
Yes. Nobody can be sad when they turn 17 tomorrow. I'm doing my goal of "I want to be more social" and having my first birthday dinner. There will be cake and balloons and laughter. It will be a great night. I've always seen my birthday as a day that just comes and goes but this year I'm actually doing something. I'm spending it with people who care about me, not in my room waiting for cake at the end of the day.
The day does bring a bit of anxiety but it's okay because that's normal (I hope).
I actually feel really, really, really happy right now. This is the happiest I've been in so long and I hope it stays like this.
Positive: When I came home from being in Launceston yesterday, I received a notification saying that somebody 1+'d my blog post and that made me really happy. It makes me happy to know that somebody actually reads what I have written and likes it. I write for myself, I write so I can clear out my head and release all the negative feelings so I can feel happier, I write so I can start to understand myself better and so I can become happier. It makes me happy to know that people actually read my words.
Positive: I have had a lovely start to the year that's so far been filled with friendship and positivity, I haven't spent everyday in my room. I've been smiling, I've been laughing, and I'm so grateful that I have amazing friends. I've never felt happier.
I am looking forward to tomorrow!
Happy Birthday Me!!
~_~_~_~___~_~_~_~
*after a discrete Facebook stalk I discovered his actually been out of the closet for a while. I'm happy his happy and not spreading anymore homophobia.
~_~_~_~_~_~_~-
Am I happy?
Yes. Nobody can be sad when they turn 17 tomorrow. I'm doing my goal of "I want to be more social" and having my first birthday dinner. There will be cake and balloons and laughter. It will be a great night. I've always seen my birthday as a day that just comes and goes but this year I'm actually doing something. I'm spending it with people who care about me, not in my room waiting for cake at the end of the day.
The day does bring a bit of anxiety but it's okay because that's normal (I hope).
I actually feel really, really, really happy right now. This is the happiest I've been in so long and I hope it stays like this.
Positive: When I came home from being in Launceston yesterday, I received a notification saying that somebody 1+'d my blog post and that made me really happy. It makes me happy to know that somebody actually reads what I have written and likes it. I write for myself, I write so I can clear out my head and release all the negative feelings so I can feel happier, I write so I can start to understand myself better and so I can become happier. It makes me happy to know that people actually read my words.
Positive: I have had a lovely start to the year that's so far been filled with friendship and positivity, I haven't spent everyday in my room. I've been smiling, I've been laughing, and I'm so grateful that I have amazing friends. I've never felt happier.
I am looking forward to tomorrow!
Happy Birthday Me!!
~_~_~_~___~_~_~_~
*after a discrete Facebook stalk I discovered his actually been out of the closet for a while. I'm happy his happy and not spreading anymore homophobia.
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