THIS IS THE FIRST POST OF 2017

Goodbye 2016

Hello 2017. 

I was talking to one of my friends about New Years revolutions and I  jokingly turned around and told him

"this time next year I would have done something big"

and his reply was 

"I'll hold you against that".

Looking back at 2016  I can't say that it was one of my "best" years.Some days it honestly felt like I wasn't living.  Unfortunately, I have a lot of trouble remembering the good parts of the top of my head- I remember a lot of panic attacks, and  meltdowns, and crying until my eyes were red and puffy. (Another reason why I write in diaries) 

I have a one or two good memories that miraculously shine through the prominent memories of fear and sadness. 

And that is of my friends being by my side when things got really tough. 2016 taught me that I have amazing friends who are going to be there for me no matter what mental state I am in. Irreplaceable people who care and love me so much.

There are some real amazing people out there and I am lucky to have crossed paths with because without their support and love my 2016 would of been even harder. 

 

Last year I had a few goals and I think I accomplished two or three out of six. It really doesn't matter. I honestly stopped caring about them second week in January (I'm one of those people) 

I did read 80 books. (My favourite was Finding Audrey, a fictional story about a girl's battle with Social Anxiety)

This year I only have one goal:

To be loud. 

aka: to accomplish that goal I made way back in August. (I made  a post about it. My Ultimate goal) 

I don't care how long it will take, one day I will be able to scream across busy roads, start a conversation with someone, and I’ll be able to talk to people without anxiety taking over. 

I will gain my voice back.

                                 

I'm not going to be one of those people who is going to say "You will see a brand new me in 2017" because you are not. I am not going to change. I am still going to be the same person. The numeral on a year date doesn't change who I am. 

But

You will definitely see a happier and braver Jazz in 2017. 

I promise. 

[[ I say that as I have spent four days in bed, BUT, I still promise. ]]

I don't know what 2017 has to offer for me. I honestly don't know what is going to happen. Maybe I'll do something big, maybe I won't. Maybe this time next year I will be planning my second trip to Asia, maybe I won't. Maybe I will learn where to put a semi colon, maybe I won’t.

 Maybe I will have one year in three years where I don't have a mental breakdown. 

One thing I know for certain is that whatever happens I will survive.  I'll stay alive. No matter what happens in 2017 my pulse will always continue to beat. 

I will be alive in 2018, and 2019, and 2020 and for many, many years after that. I will never give up. 

Bring it on 2017! 

FYI:

I don't exactly know why I used cats as verse breakers. 

I just really like cats.