Week Three.

Week Three 
I am actually making friends and I didn't need to read a "how to book" on it, strangely  it just came naturally.  People actually like me. It's unbelievable!
I didn't need to change who I was, I didn't need to pretend to like something I don't. All I needed to do was be myself and friends just came to me like I was holding a platter of free cupcakes.
The students from my high school still smile and say hello to me and I'm thankful for that especially when my friends from high school have started to ignore my messages and requests for meetups.

My college is so big that it's exquisite. Every time I get lost it is an adventure.  My cousin regularly  receives texts messages from me saying: 'I'm lost!", and she normally replies with: 'Where are you; what block; what floor?' and I reply: 'I was in B block but I think I'm in A block now, but now I really don't know!'
'You are lost' is normally her reply as she sits back and waits for me to find my own way out of my dilemma.
In reality you only need to know where your classrooms are  and by now I've got that sorted.                I have one class on the 3rd floor in B block and the next class on the 2nd floor in A block. I have too run down two flights of stairs, switch my binders over at my locker, run up an additional  flight of stairs,  run across the car pack, and run up another flight of stairs.  I always to get to this  class out of breath , but not late. I'm never late. 

That's one thing everybody knows about me: Jazz Frost is never late for anything!

I've  learnt that 'Wou bu dong' is a very useful phrase in my Chinese class. It means 'I don't understand' and I say that a lot.
A LOT, especially when the whole class starts  talking mandarin-Chinese and you are sitting there feeling completely lost because you have no idea what is being said.
I'll get there. I need to keep practicing.
  I've also learnt the best time to study is during study lines because everybody is in class and the  study areas are deserted and quite. Nobody is sitting near you complaining that they are bored or that they want to go home and you can try and concentrate and can try and get your homework done so it doesn't pile up and make you feel worse. 

Collage is different, but collage is paradise. For me, it is the pulchritudinous rainbow after the crappy storm.  I feel like I am finally able to spread my wings and be myself. I'm loving every second of it from learning about poetry (I could name more poetic devices than everybody in my class) to meeting new friends.  To be completely  honest it is hard at times. There are so many people here and I can't bring myself to say anything to them. I can't use my pathetic voice to talk to people and I hate myself for that.   At times I feel so lonely and isolated and depressed , and the only thing I know to do is to sit in the park by the water and get a head start on the homework that I've just been given  because I know I can't do at home as I need silence when I study and you don't get that when you are apart of a large family of people who don't understand that I am not like them and that an education will better my future.
I'm not isolating myself I'm just taking a break from the large crowds and depressing complaining of those around me. I don't do it that often, only when I feel at my worst, whitch was today.

I didn't relies how different it would be here. I definitely feel the pressure to do my absolute best and I don't know if I can do that, I am trying my hardest but I don't know if that's good enough. All I want to do is  spend the day in bed knowing that my future will be OK if I put a comma in the wrong place or if I don't know where the Strait of Malacca is.
It's going to get better soon. It has to, things always get better. It just sucks in the meantime.
 Things will start feeling normal soon and I'm going to be OK.
I think I just need to give it time.


It's week three and I'm still going to be fine.