Letter to younger self.

This is a letter to that preteen getting ready for her first day of high school. That preteen stressing out because she doesn't know her multiplication tables and pinning her hair with heaps of tiny, black bobby pins to look just like her friends', and with her brand new ironed school top tied up at the side to be like the "cool kids"

Welcome to High School! You are about to embark on the most suckiest part of your life that will be heavy featured in your New York Times Best-Seller memoir.
You need to read what I have just written and study it. Pay close attention to it because it will save your life.  (it really will)

People are going to be mean. 
It's the inevitable truth; people are going to be mean.There are some people who are going to make it their personal objective to make your life a living hell, because they will love seeing you run away in tears. These people might include random strangers, your friends' friends, or even you brother's friends who love to constantly torment you about that time you didn't get student leader and that you look like a freak and they are scared to look at you because of your orthodontic treatment. You are going to have people make snared, rude noises towards you. You are going to have people meow at you all year long, making you remember that you once failed at something because you were not good enough. You are even going to get told to go kill yourself a couple of times. You are going to have people steal your stuff and vandalize it. You are going to have people throw stuff at you. You are going to have people kick your chair with you on it. You are going to have people yell out your non-preferred name across hallways, classes and courtyards because they know you don't like it. You are also going to have people call you JasMAN which is the reason you go by Jazz now. You are going to have people tell you that you are wired, dumb, ugly, fat, gay, stupid, a loner, a bogan, a faggot, a slut, a low-life, a bitch, a dickhead and more!
You are going to try and be happy, and use your amazing photographic skills to photograph school events and get told a few times to fuck off, and "if you take my photo again, I will slit your throat" (this happens this week and actually left you speechless).
You are going to feel victimized.
You are going to feel  worthless
You are going to feel hopeless.
and you are going to make the giant mistake of not telling people what really is going on, instead bottling it inside thinking you can deal with it yourself.
but you can't -You couldn't-
It's going to get too a point where you are going to feel like you don't want to keep going, but you need to because you are worth it. You.  Are . Worth . It.
You need to survive high school by not letting these people bite you with their harsh words and actions.
And that will be hard.
And it will be unfair.
and it will suck the life out of you and leaving you screaming at the top of your lungs; 'WHY ME, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS TYPE OF PREJUDICE?" (The answer, by the way, is nothing. I did nothing to deserve this)
But, you'll get through it. You have to because one day the misery will come in handy and you'll write a book about it and it will be a New York Times Best-Seller and it will be dedicated to all the protagonists in your high school years who helped you survive by just being amazing, welcoming, friendly, helpful, engaging, loving, kind, positive ... there are not enough adjectives  to describe them all!

You are going to feel alone 
During your last year at High School you are going to feel extremely lonely and isolated and spend
break times sitting by yourself in the corner of the library, a hard seat in the courtyard, and (this was your favorite place) on a bean bag in the student center, escaping between the pages of a book.
You did this because you believed you had no friends , that no body liked you, and that being in between the pages of a book was much easier then dealing with your broken emotions.
You spent so long doing this, and you didn't really felt like you belonged until you gradually left the book in your bag and kept it there all day.
You need to remember too look around with wide eyes and know that you do have friends, even if it doesn't feel like it.
You need to remember to put the book away!, even if it is a Melina Marchetta book.

Somebody once told you that "You don't need to be friends with everybody, you just need a few close friends and feel like you belong"
You do have that, you had that all along. You just had to open your eyes, and put the book way to relies it.


You will compare yourself to other intelligent individuals.  
Please, Please, do not spend your four years at High School comparing yourself to the smartest boy in class. Your wasting your time, and frankly, your wasting your space in your mind thinking about this. Just because he is winning everything he enters, and he gets outstanding results on everything!. . Doesn't mean his better then you, Yous are both equals in this world. He just works a bit harder and puts in more effort, effort you are too lazy to put in because you established from a early point that Maths, Science, and Health were boring, so you spent your last year rocket writing your Creative Writing project and sitting next to smart people you trusted.

Remember that you are smart. Everybody has one thing (if not more) that they are good at. Yous is writing. You are really good at writing (just not editing) and that's your passion.

You are going to go through a phase where you will not be able to see a positive.
Do more of what makes you happy; take the dog for a walk, read a book, give your favorite person a present  (but maybe don't do it every friday afternoon), make somebody smile, bake cookies and share them, take a nap, eat chocolate mud cake, write something, do some crafts, go to your favorite beach, wave to a random on a street, tell your family you love them, look at photos from your exchange trip, visit people you haven't seen in ages,
Because you are going to go through a phase where you have had just enough of all the antagonists dragging you down, reminding you of things you want to forget, and making you feel insignificant and victimized. You are going to stare blankly up at your bedroom roof with tears falling down your face because you have had enough of people making you feel inadequate. You are going to feel scared to leave your house so you will stay home from school wishing that nobody will be mean to you when you go back. You are going to feel so much anxiety going into classrooms because the tough boys love occasionally victimizing you. You are even going to feel so much anxiety as you walk to around your own town fearing people from school will be around the corner with another insult. (and your dog will suffer from days he doesn't go for a walk). You are going to tell teachers you have a headache because somebody had just made you feel awful and then go home to lay in bed crying. You are going to tell you father that you have horrific menstrual  cramps (even if you had your period two weeks ago) and he will reply with ".. Uhh.. umm.. ohh... kay, then" so you will stay home from school without anyone talking to you. You are going to feel lonely and isolated. You are going to walk around with your head down not wanting people to recognize you or look at your beautiful face.You are going to save what ever you need to print onto a USB and print at home because you don't want to walk the grade seven hallway by yourself. You are going to silently whisper an apology for every little thing you do.  You are going to feel like nothing is going right and that nothing is going to get better.
but, It does.
It did.

Please, please, please, Do not wait until the third term of your last year to tell somebody you are not okay.
You deserve to be happy.

It will take a while but you will eventually find the positives, even out of the negatives.
It really helps to write them down.

You are going to get to Grade 10* and stress about the future. 
Grade seven, grade eight,  and grade nine were fine, but when you get into grade ten you will be constantly be bombarded and asked the same questions over and over again about your future intentions even from strangers you don't know;
"What are you doing next year?"
"What collage** are you going to next year?"
"What courses are you doing next year?"
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
These questions, along with everything else going on will circle your brain and it will not go away. They will be like a Christmas carol that is stuck on replay in your head.You will feel overwhelmed, stressed and terrified as you really have no idea what the answers to these questions are.

Remember that change is inevitable, change is going to happen and you can either fear it or embrace it. I strongly recommenced embracing it, it will make you happier.
Remember you do not need to choose your future career right now. It's okay if you do not know what you want to be doing for the rest of your life. You know people change their career paths at least five times in their life span. And you will, you did passionately want to be an actress when you were grade five and six, and begged your mum to go to some prestigious acting school , And now you might want to be an author.And, you will be an amazing author.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Please just remember you are about to embark on an amazing journey, that will bring you so many memories-- Both negative and positive, but when you have two more weeks too go and your finally happy, the positive memories will outweigh the negative ones.
There are so many positive things about High School. Some of the students are just mean! but, there are an abundance amounts of students and teachers who care about you.Remember that, with everything else you need to remember.


Good Luck!


“So in order to understand everything that happened, you have to start from the premise that high school sucks. Do you accept that premise? Of course you do. It is a universally acknowledged truth that high school sucks. In fact, high school is the where we are first introduced to the basic existential question of life: How is it possible to exist in a place that sucks so bad?” Jessie Andrews,  Me and Earl and the Dying Girl. 

For those who are non-Tasmanian,
* High School ends at grade 10 if you go to a public school *
** Collage for me is year 11 and 12. It's normally done in a different institution in a more grown up environment**