22/8/2019.

I am homeless
But I have a roof over my head.
That is contradictory, right?
I used to think the term 'homeless' referred to individuals living out on the streets, sleeping rough on park benches and under trees in sleeping bags
I am thankful I am not in that situation
But I am in a shitty housing situation and a shitty situation overall.

I am in a situation where I do not feel OK or mentally safe. I am anxious about the future; I am anxious about where to lay my head and sleep
I am without a PLACE and I feel like shit.

I am sleeping on my parent's fold out couch in the living room.
I have been since Monday night.

It's not comfortable but the positive is Luna sleeps ON me.

Monday Night I was kicked out of the place I was living in and told that I was not welcome back. (I won't say why to respect that individual) .Screams of 'you are not welcome back' projected from my roommate.  I cried and cried so much that I went into a state of panic of shock with tears flooding down my face.

I even collapsed on some randoms lawn in the dark at around 7PM just crying hysterically. Long story short, I called my sister's partner  who stayed on the phone with me until my mother collected me. My mother took 40 minutes to drive from my hometown to the city and my sister's partner stayed on the line with me trying to calm me down, distract me, and keep me safe.

(the phrase 'keep me safe' having TWO layers: keeping me safe from hurting myself AND keeping me safe walking the streets of Launceston in the dark)

I am sad and shocked  and I feel like shit.

I got KICKED out of a place where I had been staying for a few MONTHS, and worst: at night 

(I can tick 'got kicked out of a home at night to the 'why I am depressed list')

soooo, yeah.
I've been on the fold out bed. I fold it out when everyone goes to bed and fold it back up into it's couch form when I wake up.
And honestly, I do not like it here. (I never really have, tbh)

I am anxious Dad will  start yelling
I am anxious Dad will have a random outburst
I am anxious to look in the fridge and see nothing because my Dad's alcohol is more important then food.
I am anxious that my Dad will drink in the shed and bring all his "mates" around and be unbelievably loud
I am anxious Dad will call me names, too.


I have already watched my mother stare at a corner and cry for an hour.

And
I DESPERATELY searching for places to call MINE.
A place with a lease and legal documents.
I've been told legal documents will prohibit the chances of me getting KICKED out without notice at night time because HONESTLY I do not want to fucking go through that again. 

My fingers are crossed for a happier tomorrow.